Words Don't Mend Broken Hearts.

I really don't understand life sometimes. It can be perfect in a moment, complete chaos the next.

 I had quite the experience Christmas Eve. It started off just like always, everyone's working to get the house clean, food is being made in the kitchen, Christmas music blaring through the speakers. And I was just about as happy as I could be! I was home, it wasn't snowing outside, my horses were home, and I was going to see my whole family.

Of course, chaos always ensues during perfect times like these. Literally 10 minutes before we are about to eat, my mom rushes through the garage door looking a little concerned. I asked her what was up.

"It's Shiner, he's not doing too well. Dad thinks he's sick. Don't go out there though!"

Funny, to tell me not to go out when one of my babies is sick. I immediately ran outside and stood watch while my dad took Shiner around in circles in the arena. He looked awful. He was sweating and breathing really hard. For a horse as athletic as him to look this way, I already knew it was worse than my mom had described. As they walked around, Shiner began to wobble and fall over. Finally my dad had to lay him down on the ground. He rolled on his back from time to time and looked like he was in an awful amount of pain. My mom had previously called the vet and we were anxiously awaiting her arrival. 10 minutes, 20 minutes past. I was getting angry. 40 minutes later she showed up and casually walked up to inspect the scene.

I already didn't like her. As she checked Shiner's heartbeat, blood pressure, etc etc everything came up normal. She checked his anal and that was also fine as she could tell. Next she gave him some painkillers to ease the pain. I felt hopeless because there was nothing else we could do. Nothing. He would stand up and then lie back down, roll around some more. For horses, this can be very dangerous, sometimes fatal, because when they roll they sometimes can wrap up their large intestine in circles and kill themselves.

I was so upset because things had been completely normal that morning. I rode Shiner in the new arena and practiced barrel racing, talked about even doing a rodeo next summer. Now I was wondering if he would even make it through the night. Many people came to help us, and they all started to leave. Pretty soon it was my dad, my brother and me standing over Shiner. He couldn't stand anymore, so he just laid on his back and rolled about every 5 minutes. I was in tears. I ran back to the house, went to my room and poured out my soul to God. "Please don't take Shiner from us," I pleaded. I must have prayed over a dozen times within the next 2 hours, going back into the house to ask God to protect this poor horse. 5 hours past. Christmas Eve dinner was over (I hadn't even gone in to get food.) Dad eventually convinced me to come inside, saying there was nothing else we could do for him. I prayed so long that night I had to actually sit down because my knees hurt so bad.

I woke up the next morning with feelings of pain and anxiety. Instead of looking at what Santa brought me, I quickly put on my boots and ran outside. He was still alive. Christmas miracle at best! Although he was weak, he was still here with us. He hadn't passed anything, which meant he was really backed up. He really needed to go to the bathroom, so my dad and I took turns walking him around to try to make him go. Nothing. So we decided to wait and just keep checking on him. After the most depressing Christmas morning of opening presents and half-eaten breakfast, I went back out to check on him. Still on the ground. This time I said a prayer while kneeing next to him. He lifted his head up after I was done and that gave me hope. I felt comforted after that so I went back inside to get ready for dinner at Mumsie's. As we were about to leave, I was almost out the door to check on Shiner again when my dad stopped me and said "I don't think he's going to make it, let's let him be."
I was not discouraged, although it made me cry some more. I prayed again before we left that Shiner would still be ok when we got home. I put on the best smile I could and went to dinner.

We came home to find Aidan and his boys watching Shiner. They had helped us with him yesterday and were already back to help again. (Love them to death.) He was still ok! Weak, but still here. I felt more hope. This time I felt enough to have faith that this horse was going to make it. I didn't know how, but he was. My dad thought differently. As he was calling the vet to talk about the options, I went inside to pray again. When I came back out, happy voices greeted me. "He pooped Sadie!!" Jonah told me. This meant he had passed the oil the vet had gave him, or at least some of it. Apparently he looked awful when I went inside, and when I came back out he jumped up and rain around, pooped, and even drank some water. This was the best sign we had received the last two days. This horse was surely living on a prayer. With high hopes, we left to go to bed.

The next morning he was standing on his own. My dad had decided to take him to the ranch vet, so we loaded him up and started driving to Wickenburg. When we got there, we unloaded him and saw he had passed more oil. More good news! The vet took a look at him, and said he was a little dehydrated, otherwise he was looking better. We decided that he had been really bloated from a protein block he had eaten too much of, but that he would be ok. He gave him some electrolytes and water, and we put him in a stall and planned to come get him within the next two days.

That was the last time I saw Shiner. As we were about to go quadding this morning, my dad received a call from the vet. Shiner had passed away. I was extremely shocked. I still am. That horse made it through hell and somehow didn't make it the last couple steps. Life just doesn't make sense sometimes I guess. That horse really taught me to have some faith and believe in miracles though. It's not every day you see things like that happen. After an autopsy on him, the vet found that some sort of cancerous thing had grown on his large intestine. I guess I felt a little better, knowing we had done all we could do. Still, losing him was rough on my whole family. That horse will be sorely missed.

Rest in peace Shiner.

Understanding The Heart.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

Such a true statement.... What's on my mind? Missions. Letting people I love go for two years. Possible letting myself go on a mission for two years. My head and heart are miserable right now. You know how there's that one guy who you've always had a thing for, but time, fate, and distance never seem to let you be together. Time passes so quickly that pretty soon you're both at the point of no return.... the final farewell.

Seriously, where does the time go? I can still remember being so concerned about little high school details, like how popular I was, what people thought of me. Driving around tonight I listened to "Never Grow Up." Honestly, it made me tear up. Especially the part,"I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone." Not that I've lost a lot, I've probably gained more than lost, yet I still feel like time just ignores me when I tell it to slow down. I mean, I'm almost halfway done with my first year of college! I guess I need to just enjoy every moment a little more.

Why is the hardest decision always over the easiest things.

Sometimes There Are No Words

This week has no doubt been a very trying and heartbreaking period for America. As our country mourns the loss of 20 beautiful children and six inspirational teachers, it's hard to find the right words of comfort or of peace. When a loved one passes away, especially when it's in a brutal matter, it's hard not to think, Why them? Why did this happen to them? They didn't deserve this in any way, they had a long life ahead of them.

I don't think we will ever be able to comprehend why such awful things, like the Connecticut shooting, happen.

I want to let everyone reading this know that God has a greater plan, and a greater purpose for everything we see as "horrific" and "unimaginable". Sometimes in our grief we forget that God will take care of all our needs if we put our burdens on him. He sacrificed so that we don't have to suffer. Most importantly, he love us SO MUCH. And I know that he is taking care of those precious little angels now in heaven. My heart aches for the families who lost their children, but they should know that they will see them again. This life is not the end. With God there is no end.

I have two things I want to share about the shootings. One is from Morgan Freeman:

"You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here's why.

It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single *victim* of Columbine? Disturbed
people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

CNN's article says that if the body count "holds up", this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer's face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer's identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don't sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.

You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news."

He speaks the truth. How would you like the media swarming you after a tragedy like this?

Second is a poem written by Cameo Smith.

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.

they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Jesus lives. He died and he lives for us. I know the kids and teachers who passed away this week went straight to God and now dwell with him. What a blessing to know that Christ lives, and that we will live again.

May God bless and protect the families of those taken away. 

All's Well That Ends Well!

So tonight was our last ward prayer *insert sniffles here*

I love these kids so much.

Best Home Teachers ever!

Marie got her first kiss... under the mistletoe ;)

Tonight was definitely the best.

Here's a little taste of what went down.... :)

Backstory: I gave Trent my guitar to use and he wrote me a song. Greatest guy ever.