Nocturnal Notions.

It's around that time of the night when I'm about thirty minutes into my "I think I'm almost asleep phase" when suddenly my brain kicks in and sleep is no longer an option.

It's a blessing and a curse.
Obviously it's a curse because well, I need my beauty sleep. (Hereditary under-eye circles and a lack of sleep equal a very scary looking Sadie.) It's sort of a blessing because I remember things I'm supposed to do, I think about the things I look forward to, and I think about the future. Most people would consider this to also be a curse but I've come to like it. There's some days I want to shut it off but how often do you get to just ponder all the things you really want to think about, not just thinking about "Oh I have to think about the errands I need to run" or thoughts like that.

My thoughts right now are turned towards home. HOME HOME HOME HOME THERE'S NO FREAKIN PLACE LIKE HOME. My exact thoughts. I miss the heat. I miss the sun. I miss my family. I miss being able to walk outside and feel like your dying inside. I miss being tan. I miss the lake. I miss fresh food. I miss my room. I miss my horses. I miss my pool. I miss my AZ friends.
And I get to have it all back in a few days :) Two to be exact!

Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna miss Provo a lot. This past year has been the best of times and the worst of times (Name that author), but it has shaped me into a person I didn't know I had capabilities of becoming. I've grown up so much, I'VE even noticed. Of course I still feel really young sometimes, but I've learned some valuable lessons from being on my own. It's been a privilege to come to BYU. Honestly.

My first blog post about BYU was about how I wanted to create a legacy. I realize now that is a lot to live up to, and I know I can accomplish it but it will take more time than planned. I also realize that being up here has prepared me to go on a mission! Living on my own, learning constantly, living with someone 24/7 is all part of the mission standards. I couldn't have received that knowledge without this experience.

Here's to a new chapter in the book I'm writing, and even though these past pages have been filled with tear marks, a lot of white-out and a few missing pages, I wouldn't have traded it for anything.




Let's begin again.

More Than Words.

It's so easy to get caught up in what our world has to offer today. Facebook. Twitter. Snapchat. Instragram. Who said what. What's in fashion. Who's hot, who's not. What happened in the Middle East today? What's for dinner? She said what?? Politics. Money. Fame. Fortune.

Ever wish it would just....

STOP. 

I had a moment tonight where I could just sit in silence and think. How many times a day do you offer yourself that delicacy? I suppose, not nearly enough as you ought to be. And what was I thinking about? 

Love. Not the kind the world offers. Pure love. True, unadulterated love. Specifically, the love Christ has for me. And for everyone that has ever walked this earth, and everyone that ever will. I had the opportunity to attend a Passover feast that consisted of real authentic Jewish descendants leading a large group of people in the ways of the Passover. Not only was it very interesting, but it really pierced my heart. After the meal and rituals and prayers were offered, the man leading the discussion began to talk about how Christ led the Passover. Before Christ, it was commanded that a young lamb was to be offered as a sacrifice. The best of the flock, the whitest, the purest. Smitten, and offered up to God. In replacement of the lamb, Jesus offered himself up as a sacrifice. He committed no sins, he had done no wrongs. In fact, he went around healing those who were afflicted. He comforted those who were weak, and he forgave even the vilest of sinners. Yet, he was chosen to be sacrificed. For who? 

FOR US. Us, everyday sinners, who hardly take the time to recognize what a great significance Christ's actions had on our lives. The man went on to explain how painful it was for Jesus to be on the cross. Because of the arms extended out, and the way the feet are nailed to the cross, a person nailed on the cross will suffocate unless they push up on the nails to get a breath. They continue this until they are too weak to push up anymore, and they suffocate. And Christ, the most highest of all, went through these horrific pains because why? Because he loves us. He loves us enough to suffer not only the cross, but the pains at Gethsemane, and to bear all of Satan's hosts bearing down on him while he was on the cross. Above all, he did it all alone. He walked that path alone so WE WILL NEVER HAVE TOO. 

I went with a good friend to this event on a date, with another couple. After it was over, we went out and talked about the things we had witnessed. We talked about our missions. We talked about a lot of things. And I have never been so grateful to be able to talk to someone. To me, I realize, a simple gesture that I truly love is when I can talk to someone openly just about anything. 

Then I had the opportunity to talk to my little sister. She is a gem above all others, she is very wise beyond her years and she is (almost) as good at giving advice as I am :). We talked about school, friends, drama, and I felt like I was talking to myself when I was in seventh grade. Do girls ever get less mean and realize the stupid things they say to one another? I guess not, and the pattern seems to get worse. I love her for her courage to be able to stand up for herself and her friends, something I was incapable of doing at her age. And I, once again, felt the love I have for, and how much I miss her and my family. It's amazing when you go to college you finally begin to understand what your family means to you. 

I believe in Jesus Christ. I know that with all my heart he lives, and he loves, and he forgives. I'm so grateful to know this life isn't the end. With God, nothing ends. If we put our trust in Him and allow ourselves to be purged of the world, we can become like God and worry about the things that really matter. How blessed I am to have the knowledge that my Redeemer lives, and loves me. I cannot wait to share this gospel of joy on my mission, because I know it can change the lives of so many people who need it. Everyone needs this knowledge, and I hope to spread the good news the best way I can. 

He lives.