Be Still.

Ether 12:6.
"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for, and not seen, wherefore, dispute not, because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

That's the most ironic thing about faith. You don't know you really have it until a trial or hardship enters into your life. This past week has been very emotional and spiritually challenging for me and my friends.

This is Spencer Wright.

He is the kindest, funniest, and most handsome guy you've ever seen. This is us when he took me to Prom during junior year, and I had an awesome time. To this day I remember how after we had dinner, we started driving to the dance with all other couples behind us en route. We got to the freeway and kept driving for what felt like forever. Then finally I turned and said to him, "Spencer, what exit were we supposed to take?" He looked at me and smiled and said "Uhhh I'm not sure!" So we finally looked it up and realized we had missed it by about 6 miles. We just laughed it off while the twins called reprimanding Spencer for not paying attention. When we finally got to the dance, we had a great time. Spencer is a gentleman and always has been and always will be.

The reason this past week has been so hard is because about 8 days ago, Spencer had a seizure and was rushed to the hospital. After they took a cat scan, they found a tumor in the back of his head. Me and my friend Hunter received this news via text that day from some other friends. We were both shocked. Something like this should not happen to Spencer. He has never done anything to deserve this. These were our thoughts as we both quietly walked back to our dorms after slowly understanding the depth of the situation. The moment I got back to my dorm, I called up mom and started balling. I was so confused and shocked and so sad all at the same time. It was so much to take in. After a long talk of reassurance, I went back to my dorm. I had to be positive because I was so worried. (That's what I do best, worry about others.) I must have prayed 20 times that night. I kept having flashbacks of when my dad's dear friend, Dusty, had passed away from cancer. It was really frightening to be reliving those days, and having to wonder what would happen next.

Spencer needed to have surgery to remove the tumor. Hunter and I decided to Skype him one night, two nights before he had his surgery. It was so good to see his cheesy smile. He sounded so good, and he looked in good condition too. We proudly showed him off to people as they passed by, we were so excited to see him. As it got late, I decided to turn in. As I got in bed, I felt a little better knowing he was doing ok. It was a tender mercy to be able to talk to him before he went in.

I fasted Sunday morning for him. Hunter did too. So did at least a dozen other kids. The thing I love about this gospel is we are all so united, no matter what happens. Monday afternoon, he went in for surgery, and everything went well! Except for, they found that the tumor was not an expected 3 mm, but 8 mm. And they were unable to remove all the tumor, because it was too close to his primary motor cortex, which controls body movements. But he was safe, and that was all that mattered.

The next day was the first BYU football game. Me and Hunter were really excited to go and experience our first college game. We were all "whited out" and curled our hair. We found our seats were really nice, only 14 rows up from the field. As the seats filled in, Hunter motioned for me to look at the seat next to her. It was empty. "That one must be for Spence." I felt really sick all of a sudden. It was third quarter, with 5 minutes to go. "Let's go home, I don't feel good," I told her. She wanted to stick it out and make sure we didn't miss anything. So we stayed, and with a minute left in the game, Hunter received a text from one of the twins.

It said that Spencer was back in the hospital, and this time it was serious. His surgery had gone well, but when they released him from the hospital to go home, he started to have trouble breathing. He was rushed back to the hospital, where they found blood clots in his lungs. If you don't know what that means, let me spell it out for you. Blood clots = usually fatal. Hunter told me how her uncle had passed away from the same thing. We agreed to leave when the quarter ended, and once again, we found ourselves slowly walking back in silence, even though our minds were racing.

That night I couldn't stop crying. I called my mom and Diana this time, balling equal amounts of time I was on the phone with them. When I came back to my dorm, I prayed my guts out. This time though, I asked for peace. I asked for courage to accept what would happen. And I felt an immediate warmth rush over me as I sat there, still crying. I finally stopped and just let the warmth take over. It was such a great overwhelming feeling.

I know that God gives us trials to make us stronger. I know that faith is not what you say you have, but what you show in times of hardship and heartache. And I know that whatever happens, it will all be ok in the end. Many prayers will continue to go out to the Wright family.

We will not doubt, we will not fear, for fear is the opposite of faith.