How often do you take a moment for yourself and sit and actually think?
Let me answer that question for you- Not enough.
Recently I've actually had several moments like these. The problem is, they make me angry. For some reason when I'm able to think for myself, I put myself down more. I get upset at lost opportunities, people I'm missing, and things I can't control. Not sure why I do that to myself...
I know I've made many mistakes in my lifetime, but the one that has been hanging over my head lately is this- I miss someone who was once close to me. One of my dearest friends. And the reason she's gone is because I pushed her away. I shut her out completely, and I blame myself for making her feel alone. Sometimes we don't know how good we've got it until it completely disappears... then reappears again. You know Taylor Swift's whole "Speak Now" motto? Well, that's one thing she's completely right about. Never hold back unspoken words, because they always end up working against you. I'm hoping that with time and some hard work, I can repair the damage I've done.
As the time gets closer and closer for me to leave, the feeling of uneasiness becomes stronger. I've always been a pretty independent girl, but will I be able to be completely independent? Am I really ready to take on the world like I think I am? Most likely, probably not. I feel really bad because I feel like I'm pushing my family out of the way, not because I want to leave them, but because I'm terrified of missing them so much. Especially my mom. Throughout my whole life my mom has been my number one fan, my best friend, my greatest advocate. I know she thinks sometimes I'm not listening, but she doesn't realize that I consider her counsel as priceless. She is truly the best of the best.
Ok. End Rant/Pity party. Trust me, I usually am an upbeat and positive person. Just letting the woes get the best of me. You know how lonely late nights are. Thank goodness for "And it came to pass, and not to stay."
Take my advice, kids. Speak now, not later, not sometime, not maybe.
"I'd rather have a life full of 'oh wells' than 'what ifs'."
You should too.
Sometimes I still don't feel old enough to have a child or have to deal with all the adult problems in life! You will be able to do it! And believe me when I say, there are a lot of things in life I wish I could go back and not make the same stupid mistake, but remember it is not to late to change the future and also mistake are building you to the person you want to become.
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