The Truth

If I said life were easy right now, I'd be lying and yet telling the truth.

It's easy because I've got the schedule down- Get up, go to the gym, go to work, come home and study the scriptures/ swim/ play guitar or piano/ eat/ and then go to bed. Wake up, and repeat the cycle again.
The other half of my schedule consists of thinking. And usually, it's too much thinking. Too much thinking about the future, what I can't do now, who I wish was here, who I wish wasn't leaving. This awkward phase of my life is what I call... Limbo. The stage where life suddenly slows down to an almost complete stop, and your left wondering how the year before had gone by so fast.

And then there's Cam. My sweet and ever-positive missionary who faithfully writes me as much as I write him. Unfortunately, those letters only come once about every week and a half. I try to be positive with our situation but truth be told, IT SUCKS. It's not easy only getting to communicate by letters, but it definitely makes your relationship grow stronger. I admire him for his ability to stay focused and write such meaningful letters to me. Love him.

I am so excited to serve as a missionary, but if it were up to me I would love to leave NOW. I guess the Arizonan heat and the lack of scenery make you go a little crazy after awhile.

I think the hardest thing for me to handle is the fact that my best friend leaves for her mission to Boise soon. I can't put into words how much she has helped me develop into the woman I am becoming. She is so headstrong and is always by my side, and I'm so excited for her to go in the field, but not seeing each other for about 24 months is going to be hard on me.

This next phase of my life (the mission) is going to require all my physical, mental, and spiritual strength. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it will be the most amazing experience I have in this life. I'm ready to teach the people of Houston about Christ, and how he lives, and how he loves us. After I went through the temple, I told my mom "I saw Christ. I didn't actually see him, but his presence was so strong there I just knew he was there. He's real mom, he's real."

I have an unshakeable testimony that HE LIVES. He loves us, and he wants us to return to be with him. I take upon myself the responsibility to gather his sheep and to help them return back to him.

God speed to all the elders and sisters just leaving or that are already in the field.

To the sisters, as Emma Smith said, "Sisters, we are going to do something extraordinary."

Focus.

Clay H. ©

I really like this picture for two reasons:

#1: It focuses on what I find most important in my life. 

#2: It's nighttime. And sometimes it's harder to focus on the good things when it's dark, but this picture obviously shows the temple as clear as day.

I've found in life lately my priorities have been getting out of focus, then back in focus, and back out again. I'm trying my best to not stray from the right path, but it's much easier said than done. 

First things first: MY MISSION PAPERS ARE TURNED IN. I am awaiting the arrival of the famous white glorious envelope. I am nervous about where I am going, but I know the Lord where put me exactly where I need to be, I have no doubt about that. Updates coming soon! 

I'm home now and I'm working a full-time job as an intern for communications and web development. It's very demanding and very stressful at times, but I love what I'm learning and I'm receiving the best knowledge from some of the best teachers on the subjects. However. I'm learning that the workplace is yet another one of the places where the world can speak louder than my own thoughts. 

As I'm sure you all know (which I was unaware of) the workforce of women is becoming increasing larger in size. And as I join this workforce, I say Brava to the ladies who work day in and day out to make a living and live out their dreams in a successful career. It is no small task to be a working woman. But I'm realizing as I focus in on what I want to become, it does not involve the workplace. It involves the home. 

As I have been working in the office, I feel a sense of urgency to continue to move up the career ladder. I truly do want to move up. But that's not what I was called to do. In fact, I was called to be a mother, the most important job that the world does not offer as it should. I feel a sense of selfishness if I continue to work like I am now when I get married. My poor kids up in heaven will be saying "Mom, what about us?" 

I'm learning new concepts every day. As I progress and move forward, I'm not always sure of what I need to do, but I know that God knows what I need to do. And with his guidance, I hope to move forward and become all that he wants me to be. Because in the end, that's all that matters. 

When I focus in, that's what matters most. My family and me for eternity, sealed in the temple and never having to live a day without one another. 

Nocturnal Notions.

It's around that time of the night when I'm about thirty minutes into my "I think I'm almost asleep phase" when suddenly my brain kicks in and sleep is no longer an option.

It's a blessing and a curse.
Obviously it's a curse because well, I need my beauty sleep. (Hereditary under-eye circles and a lack of sleep equal a very scary looking Sadie.) It's sort of a blessing because I remember things I'm supposed to do, I think about the things I look forward to, and I think about the future. Most people would consider this to also be a curse but I've come to like it. There's some days I want to shut it off but how often do you get to just ponder all the things you really want to think about, not just thinking about "Oh I have to think about the errands I need to run" or thoughts like that.

My thoughts right now are turned towards home. HOME HOME HOME HOME THERE'S NO FREAKIN PLACE LIKE HOME. My exact thoughts. I miss the heat. I miss the sun. I miss my family. I miss being able to walk outside and feel like your dying inside. I miss being tan. I miss the lake. I miss fresh food. I miss my room. I miss my horses. I miss my pool. I miss my AZ friends.
And I get to have it all back in a few days :) Two to be exact!

Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna miss Provo a lot. This past year has been the best of times and the worst of times (Name that author), but it has shaped me into a person I didn't know I had capabilities of becoming. I've grown up so much, I'VE even noticed. Of course I still feel really young sometimes, but I've learned some valuable lessons from being on my own. It's been a privilege to come to BYU. Honestly.

My first blog post about BYU was about how I wanted to create a legacy. I realize now that is a lot to live up to, and I know I can accomplish it but it will take more time than planned. I also realize that being up here has prepared me to go on a mission! Living on my own, learning constantly, living with someone 24/7 is all part of the mission standards. I couldn't have received that knowledge without this experience.

Here's to a new chapter in the book I'm writing, and even though these past pages have been filled with tear marks, a lot of white-out and a few missing pages, I wouldn't have traded it for anything.




Let's begin again.

More Than Words.

It's so easy to get caught up in what our world has to offer today. Facebook. Twitter. Snapchat. Instragram. Who said what. What's in fashion. Who's hot, who's not. What happened in the Middle East today? What's for dinner? She said what?? Politics. Money. Fame. Fortune.

Ever wish it would just....

STOP. 

I had a moment tonight where I could just sit in silence and think. How many times a day do you offer yourself that delicacy? I suppose, not nearly enough as you ought to be. And what was I thinking about? 

Love. Not the kind the world offers. Pure love. True, unadulterated love. Specifically, the love Christ has for me. And for everyone that has ever walked this earth, and everyone that ever will. I had the opportunity to attend a Passover feast that consisted of real authentic Jewish descendants leading a large group of people in the ways of the Passover. Not only was it very interesting, but it really pierced my heart. After the meal and rituals and prayers were offered, the man leading the discussion began to talk about how Christ led the Passover. Before Christ, it was commanded that a young lamb was to be offered as a sacrifice. The best of the flock, the whitest, the purest. Smitten, and offered up to God. In replacement of the lamb, Jesus offered himself up as a sacrifice. He committed no sins, he had done no wrongs. In fact, he went around healing those who were afflicted. He comforted those who were weak, and he forgave even the vilest of sinners. Yet, he was chosen to be sacrificed. For who? 

FOR US. Us, everyday sinners, who hardly take the time to recognize what a great significance Christ's actions had on our lives. The man went on to explain how painful it was for Jesus to be on the cross. Because of the arms extended out, and the way the feet are nailed to the cross, a person nailed on the cross will suffocate unless they push up on the nails to get a breath. They continue this until they are too weak to push up anymore, and they suffocate. And Christ, the most highest of all, went through these horrific pains because why? Because he loves us. He loves us enough to suffer not only the cross, but the pains at Gethsemane, and to bear all of Satan's hosts bearing down on him while he was on the cross. Above all, he did it all alone. He walked that path alone so WE WILL NEVER HAVE TOO. 

I went with a good friend to this event on a date, with another couple. After it was over, we went out and talked about the things we had witnessed. We talked about our missions. We talked about a lot of things. And I have never been so grateful to be able to talk to someone. To me, I realize, a simple gesture that I truly love is when I can talk to someone openly just about anything. 

Then I had the opportunity to talk to my little sister. She is a gem above all others, she is very wise beyond her years and she is (almost) as good at giving advice as I am :). We talked about school, friends, drama, and I felt like I was talking to myself when I was in seventh grade. Do girls ever get less mean and realize the stupid things they say to one another? I guess not, and the pattern seems to get worse. I love her for her courage to be able to stand up for herself and her friends, something I was incapable of doing at her age. And I, once again, felt the love I have for, and how much I miss her and my family. It's amazing when you go to college you finally begin to understand what your family means to you. 

I believe in Jesus Christ. I know that with all my heart he lives, and he loves, and he forgives. I'm so grateful to know this life isn't the end. With God, nothing ends. If we put our trust in Him and allow ourselves to be purged of the world, we can become like God and worry about the things that really matter. How blessed I am to have the knowledge that my Redeemer lives, and loves me. I cannot wait to share this gospel of joy on my mission, because I know it can change the lives of so many people who need it. Everyone needs this knowledge, and I hope to spread the good news the best way I can. 

He lives. 

Called to Serve.

Called to Serve. Return with Honor.

These statements give me the chills. Mostly because they will apply to me soon.... I cannot wait to be a missionary in the Lord's work. I found this awesome video about all the other soon-to-be sister missionaries.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. God is pushing his work forward and I know that it will continue until he comes again. Camron shared a quote with me the other day that I'd like to share with you:

"The standard of truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may arise, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame; but the truth of God will go forth oddly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah will say the work is done." -Joseph Smith

I am so blessed to have this opportunity. I start my papers this Sunday, and more updates will be coming soon :)

XOXOXO

Not Like the Movies.

You know the scene. Girl admits love for the boy. Boy admits the same feelings for girl. Proceed to kiss and everyone goes "awww!"

If only real life situations were that easy! That never happens. Ever. Only in the movies. But then again, not all movies are about a girl waiting for the greatest missionary ever... :)


Anyways, here I am in my dorm room, trying to figure out if I should start my homework now, thinking about the next 5 weeks, because in 5 weeks school will be over. It's really exciting yet at the same time it's really sad, because I have to leave all my new friends I've made. Most girls are leaving on missions, so it might be another 2 years before I see any of them.

I've also been getting excited for my mission. I'm gonna start filling out my papers soon and then hopefully time will pass quickly until I get my call. I know wherever I go is where the Lord will want me to be. I can't wait to tell people about the happiness of the Gospel, the eternal joy that it can bring into their lives. What a great opportunity I have.

This weekend was so perfect, I got to go up to Brianhead with my family and friends, I can't help but wishing it lasted a little longer.

Coco came to Poly dance class with me!

Beautiful Momma I have

Greatest family ever

G baby got her braces off!

Love these girls with all my heart

Cheers to the freakin weekend

Life in Pictures

Feeling a little too tired for words tonight, so here's some pics from the last couple days. Enjoy :)

Me and Madisen at the Gonzaga game

Despite our awesome crowd, we lost by 5

That same night Cameron left :(

Next day we took missionary pics at the temple!

Love these geels.

Saturday, the 2nd floor and 3rd floor boys played a tough game. 3rd floor won.

Paul. I'm his number 1 fan.

And finally we went to Mass on Sunday. Interesting experience!